


But Not Today

by EchoGalen



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, F/F, Fluff, followed by, viva la fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2680148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoGalen/pseuds/EchoGalen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine depressed Laura befriending a black cat on campus that follows her around and sneaks into her dorm room through the window and curls up on her yellow pillow at night and one day Laura can't find the cat anywhere and she searches all over campus for it and then gives up and walks in to her dorm room to see Carmilla sitting on her bed like 'It wasn't safe for you to be seen with me but I couldn't leave you'.<br/>So I probably just spoiled it, but hey, that's the beautiful prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Not Today

The cat was back again.

Laura's hazel orbs had been scanning the horizon every few seconds while she studied outside. Her shoulders were sagged and she was only half reading her assignment when she thought back of her previous conversations.

“Sun is scientifically proven to help with...” Lafontaine would have said 'depression' if not for the dead look behind Laura's eyes at the time.

She wasn't going to go along with it, but deep in her heart she knew they were just trying to help. Perry had come by every day with assorted baked goods while Lafontaine would bring interesting science experiments to show off to her. She guessed it was to get her mind off the dead vampire or something.

Danny brought by her notes for their class and would graciously hold Laura close for a few hours each day. It didn't come close to what she needed, it didn't come close to Carmilla's arms wrapped around her, but it was good. It was sweet. Laura knew she should give recompense but she just couldn't. Not now. Maybe not ever.

But then Lafontaine had encouraged her again and again to get some sun every day for an hour so here she was, sitting under the oak tree that had protected the campus from the mushroom explosion attack a few weeks prior. The breeze brushed the hair into Laura's eyes and she had to hook it behind her ear when the thing beside her meowed.

“Oh,” she muttered, looking from the horizon towards the obsidian feline with red eyes. “Where did you come from?”

“Meow!” the cat replied before Laura heard the guttural purring from the back of its throat.

“You've been coming around every day. And for such devotion,” Laura said kindly and habitually, reaching into her bag, “treats!” she exclaimed, producing a handful of meaty fish shaped food for the cat.

The cat traveled closer to the human and sniffed the treats in her palm. Carmine orbs looked up before its head tilted and Laura swore it was almost sarcastically saying, “Really?” before it lowered its head and began eating happily.

Laura giggled softly as she felt the soft tongue brush her palm and with her other hand started to pet the cat gently.

“You're the only one who doesn't talk to me,” she said softly, watching the cat's ears flick as if listening. “I know they mean well, but I-” Laura sniffled, her free hand brushing across her face. “I just can't... They're so good to me and I'm so horrible to them and I don't know what to do about it. It's too much work, you know. Well,” Laura tilted her head and laughed humorlessly, “no you wouldn't, you're a cat after all.”

The feline looked up, the treats all but devoured, and meowed again. It hesitantly placed a paw on the corner of the book Laura was reading for her final and she quickly closed it and placed it in the grass beside her. Immediately, the cat placed a paw on her thigh and only moved to curl into her lap when Laura gave a slight nod and a smile towards it.

It circled once before plopping itself in her lap, it's red orbs looking at her, urging her to tell it her secrets.

“The Dean's gone... Will and the rest of the vampires are too. They stuck around after their “mothers” death, ya know.” Laura shook her head, continuing, “And, as I told you yesterday, so is the person I care about. I mean,” Laura rolled her watery eyes and looked down, “ _ cared _ about. It's so funny, the distinctive difference between past and present sayings...”

She looked out to the horizon again. After a moment she addressed the cat again, “You know why I always look up like that?” When the feline simply blinked Laura continued, “I always think she's going to walk across the horizon. She'll be okay and it'll all be a stupid nightmare. She'll say something secretly caring, get me to laugh, and then it'll all be okay. I won't feel...”  _ Dead inside. _

The cat's cold nose gently nudged her and she looked down and smiled. Scratching it behind the ear she said, “Don't worry. I'm not going to get all crier-y on you again.” A thought struck her. “You know, I never thanked you for coming around a few weeks ago. I read sometimes cats in the wild mistake human crying for their own kittens, but it was still nice of you. And,” she said, striking a more stern tone, “I found your hair on my yellow pillow again! Have you been sleeping there when I'm not home? It's killer cleaning that!”

The cat yawned, beginning to purr again, and Laura scratched its belly playfully aggressive as it lay on her.

“I can't stay mad at you,” she said softly, another smile breaking out. Laura's shoulders hunched and she bent to kiss the cat on the head after staring out to the horizon again. “Oh,” she whispered after raising up. “I just smelled...”

Water brimmed in the corner of her eyes almost instantly coupling the memories and she pushed her palms into her lids aggressively. “God, not here,” she whimpered, her mind refusing the tears that quickly stained her cheeks and fell from her, but her heart urging them on.

“I'm sorry,” she said halfheartedly, knowing her tears probably fell onto the feline but for an odd reason it did not move like most. She repeated the plea until she got control over herself, her arms clawing into her thighs for fear someone who was walking to class or back to the dorms would see her, and finally when the tears ceased she looked to the sky and huffed.

Sniffling after a few moments of watching the clouds while she took deep breaths, she wiped her nose with the heal of her hand when she looked down and said, “I need to go now.”

The cat didn't budge.

Laura tilted her head and gave it a halfhearted nudge. “Come on, I have to go. If Danny or LaF or Perry saw me right now they'd want to talk or console me or whatever their new plan of attack is and I just  _ can't  _ right now, okay. Please move!”

The feline slowly raised onto its paws and, without breaking eye contact, moved off of her. She thought it would leave, but it immediately sat beside her, its tail curled in front of its paws, looking directly at her.

Sniffling while she packed her items, she looked back at the cat and realized it was still staring. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, before getting up and walking briskly away.

All the while red orbs watched her go.

+++

“Here, kitty kitty,” Laura called softly, her hair breezing into her face as she looked around.

Where had it gone?

The very next day after leaving the cat after her episode, Laura had came a little earlier to the oak tree to see if it was around. She could not catch a glimpse of its inky coat, and decided to apologize later when she studied. She pondered if the cat lived around the area or if it simply came at that specific time because it remembered her. Yeah right, she thought bitterly, that wouldn't happen.

When she came back to her dorm room the day before, the window wasn't suspiciously opened- not really suspiciously, she thought, since Perry liked to air the room out on occasion- and there were no cat hairs on her pillow as was the usual. She wondered if her outburst had caused the feline to stay away, and fear clutched at her heart like a vice. She couldn't lose the only thing that made her remotely smile these days. She just couldn't.

“Come on, kitty,” Laura called again, this time around the large building for Economics that was close to the tree. She had strategically chosen that specific tree because she knew none of her friends traveled around that building for fear of getting turned into, well, some crazy science experiment that happened on Silas.

She traveled across campus at that point. Mustering up the energy to ask anyone and everyone if they had seen a black cat with strange red eyes recently. It wasn't much use she found after the umpteenth person she asked the same generic question to. No one had ever seen a cat like that on campus, and if they did they'd “Totally remember because whoa red eyes, bro?”.

“Please, kitty...” Laura whispered after coming to the last stop on campus, the oak tree where she had started.

Adjusting the bag on her arm, the nerves were almost shot as she had carried it around everywhere and it was too damn heavy, Laura looked around again, holding for dear life onto the strap after positioning the bag on her other arm. Deeming it a lost cause, Laura tried not to break down as she walked slowly to her dorm room.

It wasn't easy traversing around the girls and familiar faces with fake pathetic smile after smile, with laughs at stupid jokes thrown in for good measure. That was the worst part, she found, having to fake her happiness when all she wanted to do was scream and scream and fucking scream.

The cold inside her heart was tearing her to shreds inside and no one saw- no she thought bitterly, no one  _ wanted _ to see. And how could she blame them? She was utterly pathetic. She knew it, and everyone else did too.

All she wanted, all she needed, was that cold to thaw. For that stupid part of her to shatter apart. Maybe then she could try to move on. Maybe...

It was strength to keep coming to visit like the trio of friends, and Laura knew she should show some hospitality, show anything. Without them she wouldn't eat. Without them she wouldn't sleep; the only time she could even close her eyes was when Danny was holding her close. The rhythm of her breathing keeping Laura from dreaming the same thing she did when she tried to take a nap throughout the day...

No showers, no studying, no this, no that. The list went on and on and Laura found it too tiring to think of all the things her mind could not will her body to do.

It was just too damn tiring.

Finally, she sighed as she got to her door, her shoulders finally sagging as she felt the comforts exuding from her room. Here she could be herself. Here she could cry without anyone knowing. Here she could be what she had turned into.

Here she could be broken.

Opening the door slowly after closing her eyes, hearing the familiar creek of the door that seriously needed some WD-40, she closed it swiftly and let her forehead press against the cold wood. She felt her shoulders hunching again. Her breath hitching like it always did when she looked over to Carmilla's bed and found it untouched.

The heavy bag slid and thudded on the floor next to her and she brought her arms around herself before clutching the end of her sleeves tightly. Laura found the first week after Carmilla had... gone, that if she did not hold onto her sleeves, she would accidentally cut open her shoulders from pressing so hard into herself.

“You were supposed to make it home,” she whimpered, digging her head further against the wood, clawing harder into her sleeves. “You stupid vampire. You stupid, stupid vampire!” she cried, the tears breaking forth from the dam and rushing down her cheeks.

“Hey,” a sweet, amazing, and oh so familiar voice croaked from behind her.

Laura instantly paused. Her face slack, her arms falling to her sides as she opened her eyes and stared at the door after pushing away from the wood.

“If you keep insulting me,” the voice continued, “I'll have to take it personally in a few seconds.”

It was agonizing to will herself to turn, her hazel eyes seeing the table Carmilla always got her drinks from. The bed Carmilla slept in. The computer Carmilla would hover over Laura at. And then to Laura's bed that-

“Carmilla?”

It was so... broken, how she said the vampire's name and Carmilla winced before saying, “It wasn't safe for you to be seen with me, but I couldn't leave you.”

A step. Then another. Laura's face was still slack, her voice stricken with tears and questioning. “You were the cat? In my dreams too?”

“Yeah, love. I was the cat.”

Finally Laura was directly in front of her vampire and she looked down before Carmilla raised up off the bed and stood in front of her. She looked up into saddened brown orbs and her emotions broke from her before she could stop them.

Raising a half fist, she punched Carmilla's chest, her shoulder, anywhere she could reach as she cried, “You left me! Why? Why would you do that! Why didn't you just tell me! Why!”

Her yells turned to cries, then to pleas, her hits turning weaker and weaker. Not that they hurt Carmilla any, who just stood there, taking every single blow. She didn't try to stop Laura's outburst, she didn't try to defend herself, she just... stood there; looking down at Laura with distraught brown orbs.

“You useless vampire!” she sniffled, her body going slack, her forehead resting on Carmilla's upper chest as her hands covered her eyes.

Strong arms slowly raised around Laura, their touch sending warmth up her body and surging its way to her heart. She felt weak as Carmilla held her there, in that soft embrace. She felt whole again as her heart began to warm, her mind beginning to finally clear.

“I'm sorry,” Carmilla finally spoke, her arms tightening for a moment. “I couldn't show myself until I knew for certain Will and the others had left. I had to protect you.”

“I never asked you to,” Laura whispered.

“I know,” the vampire responded. “But I couldn't take the chance.” When Laura didn't respond for a few minutes, Carmilla finally said, “Thanks for the treats, by the way.”

Laura laughed full and loud and she moved her hands to hold onto the vampire's shirt. “How could you eat those things?”

Carmilla smiled and shrugged. “As a cat they taste pretty good. Hey, Laura?”

“Yes, Carmilla?”

“...I really missed you.”

Laura kneaded her face into Carmilla's chest a little more and moved her arms around the nape of her neck. “I missed you too.”

Looking up, she allowed Carmilla to brush her hot tears away, and with it the shards of her pain and anger. A thumb brushed across her lips and the vampire slowly bent her head down and captured soft lips in hers. They lingered there before Carmilla pulled away and looked into beautiful hazel eyes.

“Can I sleep with you?”

“You never wanted to ask when you were a cat,” Laura quipped, her eyes growing heavy. “But I haven't slept very well in... forever.”

“I know,” Carmilla said sadly, her strong arms gliding down to Laura's waist and pulling her slowly downward into her bed. “But I'm here now.”

“Yeah,” Laura said sleepily as Carmilla laid behind her on the yellow pillow.

Those strong arms wrapped around her like protection, and Laura had to smile. She could sleep peacefully now, not that she really wanted to. She wanted to stay up, stay with Carmilla just a few minutes longer, but the vampire was back. She was finally back and they had all the time in the world.

“Carmilla?” Laura whispered before she lost herself to sleep.

“Yes, my love?”

She had to know... “Will you be here when I wake up?”

Silence filled the room for a beat before Carmilla held onto Laura slightly tighter and whispered, “I will never leave you again. I promise.”

That was the last blissful thing Laura heard before she fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time in five weeks and before she awoke the next morning with arms still securely around her with a sleeping vampire still behind her.

It wasn't a dream...

She smiled then and turned slowly, worried she would wake Carmilla out of her slumber. Thankfully she did not, and Laura laid her head down on the vampire's arm again before resting her forehead to her chest. Her arm laid lazily around Carmilla's torso and Laura couldn't help a smile when the vampire's lips brushed against her forehead to give a soft kiss.

The shards lodged deep in her heart were finally beginning to thaw at last.

She held Carmilla a little tighter and drifted off again, unafraid of what dreams may come to greet her.

Love will have its sacrifices...

But not today.

 


End file.
